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Personal expectations: pretty high. Whose fault? Only reason: franchise loyalty.
First movie: spirited fluff. Winning qualities: silliness, novelty, stuntwork, exuberance. Best sequence: Soul Train.
Throttle level: high enough. Potential excesses: held in check. Full Throttle: total breakdown. Novelty value: ificantly diminished.
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Stunt sequences: total overkill. Directorial style: antic incoherence. Director moniker: McG. Artistic origin: music videos. Spike Jonze?
Narrative premise: stolen decoder ring. Sounds like: Cracker Jack toy. Ring contains: Witness Protection identities. Bad : screenplay explains Witness Protection. Movie audience: massively underestimated.
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Opening sequence: Himalayan saloon. Raiders of the Lost Ark: robbed blind. Local atmosphere: drunken brutishness. Assistant director: why bother? Ubiquitous gestures: slobbering, imbibing. Sudden reversal: comical bloodthirst. Audience reaction: total uncomprehension.
Drew Barrymore: gambling at table. Lucy Liu: rescuing hostage.
Cameron Diaz: astride mechanical yak. Activities related? Ensuing chase: totally unfollowable. Fireballs: yes. Fast driving: yes. Crashing through walls: yes.
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Plunges into icy water: yes. Elapsed time: five minutes. Italian Job? Sequence upshot: Nepalis are barbarians. Other upshot: Angels are geniuses. True or false? Ensuing plot: none to speak of. Large cast: totally wasted. Bernie Mac: filling wscorts. Bernie Mac: treading water. Other brother: Shia LaBeouf.
White guys: black brother. Asian woman: white father.
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Interracial gags: apparently hilarious. Comedic nadir? Probable lowpoint: prostitution jokes. Suspected hooker: Lucy Liu. Who suspects? Caucasian father: ha ha! Joke repeated: ad infinitum. Actual prostitutes: cast, crew. Post-Nepal: listless exposition. Brief delight: impromptu Hammerdance. Returning characters: bland boyfriends. Matt LeBlanc: forever Joey. Luke Wilson: inexplicably famous. New theme: separation anxiety. Looming threat: Cameron will leave.
Note to Cameron: good idea! Remaining cast: endless cameos. C-listers include: Pink, Eve, the Olsen twins. Paying rent: Carrie Fisher, Eric Bogosian. Jaclyn Smith: looks uncomfortable. Crispin Glover: more, please! Minor coup: Justin Theroux. Present role: Irish madman. Why Irish?
Movie thinks: comedic goldmine. Resulting jokes: yawn, yawn. Other Angels: apparently annoyed. Peripheral ingredients: beyond. Whole movie: peripheral ingredients.
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Extreme sport: Motocross dirtbiking. Extreme sport: gratuitous surfing. Extreme sport: kung fu. All sports: digitally enhanced.
All stunts: performed by others. Plot contribution: totally zero.
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Fun contribution: no better. Meanwhile, subplot: high-school reunion. Eventual payoff: Cameron dances. Soul Train: far superior. What else?
Charlie's angels: full throttle movie review
Still curious? Saw it with: four friends. Otherwise: empty theater. Week of release: very first. Box-office omen: bad indeed.
Obvious explanation: disappointed audiences. Franchise standards: pretty humble. Genre standards: even lower. Only requirements: entertainment, story. Hopefully averted: Angels 3.