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I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line.

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I know, I know, I still need to get loooking cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line.

You won't hurt my feelings. Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free movie on Once again l was summoned, kicking and screaming, to my mother's turkey curry buffet, where l've had some of the most shaming experiences of my life. How's it going? And nothing in the world can spoil it. Well, almost nothing. Bridget, unless you want to get sacked at feet, you will be on your way in exactly three seconds. Three, two, one Unit Two, you got her? Oh, yes Mark Darcy. The question is.

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Earth to Bridget Sodding Jones. You're live. Or to put it another way, ecstatic shags.

He's given up being snooty, and l've given up smoking. Not a fuckwit, alcoholic, workaholic, pervert or megalomaniac, but total sex syag and human rights lawyer. He is a miracle, really.

Go and find something to do. Bridget Jones is a love pariah no more. Late again.

He's a human rights lawyer, you know. Yes, we know.

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Maybe l'll ring him. No, no Obviously it's important to tell one's boyfriend how nice he looks naked, but l have crucial, Pulitzer Prize winning journalism to do. Just wondered how you are. Everything all right with you? And you do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom. Thank you.

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And you're on speakerphone. Right, Gorls Bridget, we're waiting for that tape about Tom, the happy hamster. And Richard wants to see you about that crap skydiving report. Oh, dear. No, it can't be. Look, l never said l could skydive and l'm terrified of heights, - so it was really hard to concentrate.

They loved it upstairs. Loved it. And they want us to come up with another regular spot for you.

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Forget the Forum, definitely forget the Coliseum, no fun now they can't slaughter Christians. Forget the Sistine Chapel, first example of a loiking interior deer gone mad What is Daniel Cleaver doing on the television? Same old creep. He always speaks very warmly of you. How about we go out for a bite to eat tonight? Do you want me to cancel? No, that's fine. Be as late as you like. Chuck him, while you're not pregnant with his unwanted.

Even if he isn't shagging her already, he's thinking about it. A man dating a woman with large breasts will bed one with small breasts.

Petty revenge stories that show why you should never be an asshole to other people (add yours)

Mark's above all that nonsense. Jellyfisher alert. Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish. How's it going with that divine man of yours? You must be so pleased to have a boyfriend at last. First jellyfish of the evening. Well, l'm sure he's just forgotten. Better start slimming into that dress.

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He's given you the night off to cheer up your single friends. Actually, he's got a big case on, trying to get everyone in Mexico out of prison. We're meeting for a very late romantic dinner. That's so odd, 'cause l saw him an hour ago going into his house with Rebecca Gillies.

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She's only. She's got legs up to here. And Daddy owns half of Australia. See ya, babes. Who is Rebecca Gillies? What's she doing going into my boyfriend's house? Where he never asks me.

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And with legs up to here? Climber's legs. Then you know he's shagging her.

All that l have un all that you've given Mark would never betray me. Everything will be lovely and we'll have sex in the kitchen. Oh, Godl What is that? Who is that?

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No, l'm Bridget Jones. Rebecca Gillies. What's he said? Hello, Mark.

Petty revenge stories that show why you should never be an asshole to other people (add yours) | bored panda

Everything under control, l see. Excellent graph. Oh, l don't know what l thought. Now you're whag angry with me. The thing is l ran into Janey Osborne, who said she'd just seen you with this girl, with really long legs, and Shazzer and Jude said l should get over here straightaway. Following the orders of the dating war command, you executed a raid.

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Oh, God, that's worse than angry. Oh, plenty of time to butter them up at the Law Council Dinner next Friday. Don't want to go, do you?

Oh, stupid Bridget, stupid friends. Wonderful, lookjng Mark Darcy Why are you dancing around in that tent? That's pointless, because l have a very high regard for your wobbly bits in all circumstances. Yeah Are you digging on me? Yeah l'm digging on you, now, baby Yeah Do you want a little bit of my love?