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Fun and frolic and football Firefighters rappel from the scoreboard. Scantily clad dancers ride on the back of a Hummer and shoot T-shirts into the stands. Fireworks and lasers flood the arena as rock music blasts from overhead speakers. Fans with painted faces spill in from a beer garden. And when it seems the atmosphere can't get any more outlandish, a demonic-looking mascot in an Orlando Predators helmet rides on the field, brandishing a scepter.

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I apologize for saying things that hurt: words are my only weapon and that's why I became a freewriter.