Why do some women stray and others stay faithful? The answer is just as often sex as it is spending time with their spouse. Gary Neuman compiles the voices of different women and explores what makes a marriage work. Read an excerpt: Chapter 3: Enjoy your time together Most people I spoke to about my study believed that women would report that they were very unhappy or cheating for emotional reasons and sex was a distant, secondary issue.
Generally, women are seen as the less sexual gender.
What happens to women who stay in marriages after an affair? - the lily
Marital magriage are frequently about how little sex the husband is getting. And I think I read somewhere that given a choice between finding great shoes or having great sex, most women choose the shoes. Five hundred and five women from around the world say these assumptions are all wrong. Among the women in my study, faithful wives who were unhappy in their marriages gave equal weight to sexual and emotional dissatisfaction as their primary issues.
Similar to my study of men, only 7 percent said that it was largely sexual dissatisfaction that led them into the arms of another.
So women are not exclusively emotional beings but actively need both emotional and sexual intimacy. Clearly, sexuality is far more important to women than most people think. Both unhappy women and cheating women reported that their one sexual issue was infrequency with unsatisfying sex coming in at a close second. I made decent money, but my husband and I decided I would stay at home to take care of the children.
It’s not just sex: why people have affairs, and how to deal with them
It worked okay until we decided to sell the large house we lived in when the housing market was still a little strong and move our three children into a tiny temporary rental apartment until the housing market dropped enough for us to get the best deal on a new house. The rental was a very frustrating place to live because it was so small and I had a new baby and two other little ones. I wanted so much to be a homemaker but found it impossible when we were only staying for a few months.
We ended up renting much longer than anticipated because my husband refused to commit to buying a new home. We had stfay money, but the market was still dropping and he wanted to wait for the best deal.
When he got home from work, I had to get out from the crying children and the home I hated. After spending so much time together with another man in these leagues, trouble just happened. We connected and he made me feel so desirable, beautiful, and sexy. Marriwge still see this man, but have dated other men as well. Many suffer quietly, feeling stuck and unable to make things better.
Cheating spouses: why both men and women are straying from marriage
There is a collective desperation to their tone, but this desperation can be resolved quickly with the information this book is about to explore. Women want more time with their men For the women who participated in my research, the one emotional issue was not having enough time with their husbands, but feeling underappreciated followed closely behind.
It was as though I was the bad one for even asking that we go out alone or take a vacation without the. I was a good mom. But his mom lived down the street and was more than willing to help us out. He just never wanted it.
That was my life for years. We both worked and came home and it was all about the. It was like I was expected to wait about twenty-five years for time with my husband. I became like a sister to the nanny, to the point that I even took some trips with her and left my husband home with the kids and his mother. I probably would have just continued, but God showed me a different plan.
At forty-one, I was diagnosed with breast cancer that had spread to the lymph nodes. Suddenly, waiting for a future time seemed stupid and I was mad at my husband.
The reasons so many married women cheat on their husbands | fatherly
By chance I ran into an old college friend and when we had dinner, I was astounded at how good it felt to actually be having time and attention from a man. We were practically strangers, so I was astonished that he was giving me a lot more in one meeting than my husband had for twenty years. We got sexually involved within a few months.
I just thought that marriage was like that. I was at the top of my firm, lecturing nationwide, and was just really good at focusing on myself. I was good-looking and so was my wife. When she first got pregnant, I just shot out of there and found every reason to stay away.
The reasons why married women cheat on their husbands
I had plenty of legitimate excuses to work late and I enjoyed being a workaholic. But I also went out late to some clubs, strip ts, whatever I wanted at the moment. I never cheated, at least nothing more than some mindless ztray drunk dancing and kissing. I laughed at friends who were henpecked. I had it all. A beautiful wife who respected my job, the money I brought in, the freedom I ,arriage.
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She even agreed to bring another woman into our sexual play to satisfy my curiosity. She figured better that than have me stray. Then we stopped having sex for a while and I went to Hong Kong on business for about three months. When I returned, everything was different.
Why do men cheat? - real reasons why married men have affairs
My wife had seen a therapist, and for mareiage long time I blamed the therapist for turning my wife against me. I still did nothing, and then she told me she had seen a lawyer and was serving me with papers the next day. I went crazy. I was completely taken aback. I just stood there and began to cry, really cry. She assumed I knew it was coming and had already begun to play financial games to cheat her out of money. I just thought this was marriage. I began to beg for another chance and agreed to go to the counselor, where I learned for the first time how much I had hurt my wife.
It took her decision to divorce me to turn my head around and realize what a horrible husband I had been. As I went through therapy, I made lots of changes and was able to become much more of a husband to her. She was skeptical every step of the way, but I was determined to spend the rest of my life with her and now I was really spending it with her and not everyone and everything but her. Obviously a time investment is necessary to start a relationship.
Cheating spouses: why both men and women are straying from marriage
And here is perhaps the biggest difference between men and women as it relates to marital satisfaction. Men seem to be content with less time with their wives. What time means to a loving relationship for a man is miles apart from what it means for a woman. Men are also looking for a way to connect with the women they love, but they factor time into that only as a practical tool.
For men, time is only a means to an end. For women, the time is the gesture.
Sexual Infidelity - 7 Reasons that Drive a Person to Stray | growfromwithinbook.com
Men are trained to accomplish tasks. Men go to work to get a job done much more than to put in time at the workplace. Men might have to stay a certain amount of time at work to collect a paycheck, but the goal is accomplishing objectives. For men, time itself has little meaning except that certain amounts are needed to get things done.
Even if a dad takes his son to a ball game, how much time that takes is irrelevant compared to the action of seeing the game itself. Thus, if the home team is losing badly, the dad will probably leave early with the. No, the task of seeing the game has been accomplished. They feel marriave no matter how many tasks have been completed, partners still need to spend time together regularly in order to feel close.
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On this topic, women are absolutely right, and not spending enough time is one of the most unfortunate mistakes men make. Men forget that life is not only about tasks. Love relationships involve much more than just completing tasks. Children are a prime example. A man can make great money so his wife can stay at home and take care of the children. He can send his children to the best schools, give them the best camp and travel experiences, and yet be the most emotionally distant dad on the block.
Why Happy People Cheat - The Atlantic
He can accomplish so much, but having a close relationship with his children will never be about anything other than putting in consistent time. He may be a really loving guy, but his children will not feel comfortable enough with him to share their truest feelings unless Dad is there for them consistently. True understanding about what makes tick — what his dreams are, his fears, and his sense of purpose — cannot happen without time.
Tell me about your dreams and aspirations. It starts with the basic fact that Mom values time as a message of love in and of itself. Children will share their deepest thoughts with someone they feel gets them. Commonly, a young child will ask the big questions when lying in bed next to his mom, who is just reading or spending quiet time with no other purpose than to show love by being next to her. They have difficulty readily seeing how having dinner together or reading side by side, discussing news events and laughing, is going to directly affect their lives.
On the other hand, every hour a man spends working gives him a concrete sense of how useful that time was. Yes, men could measure the time they spent with their wives last night by whether they had sex.
Again, a clear accomplishment — and an attitude that drives women mad because it looks like the reason he spent the time was to accomplish that objective. Most men are being nice not only for sex. Men need to learn from all of the women in my study that the true measure of shray relationship is the good feelings of being loved and loving another.