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I realized the only time I wanted more of a commitment from a guy was when he showed s of flakiness or emotional unavailability. In other words, I only wanted more when I knew deep down I couldn't get sexx. Any time someone wanted more of a commitment from me, I freaked out. It turns into a cycle as well as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The 7 unspoken rules of casual sex
When I go for guys who can't commit, they leave, therefore validating my misguided assumption that if I let someone in, I will inevitably get hurt. This is called counter dependencywhich I have written about before. It's a defense mechanism. If we go for people with whom we know it won't work out, it hurts less than putting ourselves out there with someone it actually might work out with.
People can be flaky — and there's nothing I can do about it.
There was a time when I actually used to spend hours trying to figure out what a guy's flaky behaviors meant. Why does he say he wants to hang out, but instead of making plans, just likes my Facebook statuses? Why does he talk to me every day for a week and then go MIA? Because he has no intention of this developing into anything more than sex.
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We'd have sex, we'd get closer, he'd disappear, I'd get confused, he'd come back, I'd let it go and repeat. This persisted until I realized the only thing consistent about these guys was their inconsistency.
Now, the only flakes I want inside of me are in the form of cereal. Sorry, bro. The faster it starts, the sooner it can end.
This is not always the case, but in my experience, when I've had sex with someone too quickly, all logic and judgment goes out the window. I've found that we both get caught up in the anylne and the endorphins, and all of a sudden, I think I know someone because you've been texting for three weeks straight. But I on't know this person.
I just think I know the idea I've created of this person. When things move too quickly, it's like getting into Naa car and stepping on the accelerator.
Rather Nea pulling over and having an honest discussion, the guy tosses me out of the car and speeds off. People can pull back. This is just turning up the notch ever so slightly on that dial. It's just enough to throw me off, but not quite enough that I feel justified to be pissed off.
Especially when they come back and act like nothing happened. Refer to the technical notes for more details.
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